Mumbo Jumbo

Well, its a little while since I have wrote a blog...this would be officially my 2nd blog. LOL. I do request that you still go easy on me. LOL. Well, JT is now 2years old, He is really developing into a little man. I cant call him a baby anymore..he laughs like a little boy (not a baby) he cries like a little boy, he talks (ooohs and aauuhhs) even like a little boy. His pronunciation on some words have got a little better. You can understand what he is saying sometimes and other times he is talkin up a storm and you wish you knew what he was saying. LOL
     Were settling down in our new house. Still trying to get things hung on the walls and gettin things out of the boxes. Sorry, Im kinda all over the place at the moment. I am being easily destracted by this movie I recorded on DVR. Its called Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys. I have never seen it before but Tyler Perry movies are my weakness. ha-ha. I dont really know what to title this blog entry. I just know that this is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo LOL. Like a real boring diary that your mom falls asleep to trying to find something juicy on you. LOL
     Well, this blog will never have any juicy "stuff" on it. LOL. I wll prolly have more juicy stuff on Facebook...b/c its protected...LMBO.
     Well, Christmas is right around the corner...its hard to believe. I feel like we just had 2009 Christmas. LOL. And here it is again...LOL. Im noticing that I am saying "LOL" a lot. ha-ha! We could totally wrap up JT's christmas gifts that others got him last year..LOL (save money) they have never been open...Most are hands-on toys and its hard for him to play with stuff like that...He does have many open as well that he plays with...some are very interactive that he enjoys...(I enjoy them as well.) But, I could totally not do that...i have a strong guilty conscience. I couldnt live with myself. LOL. I just like to joke around. (Dang, Tyler Perry looks good.) LOL
     Im sitting in my mushroom chair with a blanket...have my wireless keyboard in my lap, blogging about stuff that dont really matter and watching my little miracle boy snooze in his bouncy. He is my life...He is so precious. I need to wake him up from his nap so he wont stay up all night...but that is so hard to do...I dont have the heart...I cant stand when someone wakes me up...heck, I even curse at my alarm clock. LOL. its true.
     Well, I better wrap this up. People gonna start asking me for money to get them a new computer keyboard b/c thier other one messed up b/c there is a pound of drool in it from reading this blog post. You fell asleep reading this damn thing..(laugh, its a joke.) LOL

Well, until next time...

Randomness

Take it easy on me..this is my first blog post. =P I've been kinda procrastinating about it. No clue why. I guess I'm afraid I will offend someone on my views. But, I really don't need to look at it that way. I mean, you can't please everyone and not everyone is going to have the same views as you! So, ummm...let's see, as you should know by now, I do believe in God! He gets all the credit for everything good that has happened in my life. He is amazing. He blessed my husband and I with a beautiful boy that has a unique personality. He has really grown into his own little person. I never thought being a mother could be so rewarding until I actually became one myself. It's a different kind of love. It's a love that only God gives you. It's like how God views us as His children and the love that He has for us. It's the same. That unconditional, indescribable love. I won't lie tho, I don't feel like the best mom ever. Everyone says that I am, but I don't know. They ways say though "you are your worst critic" so I try not to be too hard myself.
Here lately I have really been thinkin' bout have having another little one. I don't really think I could handle two little ones right now, with JT's special needs and the attention he needs and deserves. Only God knows what is best. Matt (my hubby) and I have always left that up to God. If we have another one then so be it. Another thing I'm scared about is of course, having another child with HPE. Or anything else for that matter. It scares me to pieces. Going thru it one time almost broke me. But going thru it again?seriously? I think I would be on the 6th floor (no joke). But I know that God is with me (us) every step! So no need to worry!
Eversince 2008 when I was pregnant with JT and we found out the news about him, I (and Matt) have become a different person. I don't really know if it is a good thing. I mean, like I've become numb. It has changed me to the point that I view things differently. I put a mask on like all the time. I was depressed for a long, long while until I got help. And I dunno, I still get that mask out more than I should now, but it's to hide how I truly feel inside. Half the time, I don't know what I am hiding becuz I am numb from the pain and heartache that has replaced what use to be in my heart. It's like having a big batch of cookie dough (which I love by the way) and a fourth of it is rotten. It's changed to something that's non-edible. It's green-nasty-smoky, whatever you wanna call it. I've tried a million times to revive it, but no matter what I do I can't get it back. It's a part of me. It's who I am now. It's the other Kellie. And you know what, the funny thing is...I would do it all over again if that meant JT would be with us here today. I would do it a million times over (infinity) if that meant I could watch my son grow up & watch God work in his life.
God is truly amazing. He really is. I just can't see how people do not believe in Him. It hurts me to the very core of my being when someone bashes Him or says His name in vain. With all that He has done for us. We don't deserve to even go to Heaven. Buy He loves us so much that he wants us. He wants us to spend eternal life with Him. And some people think it's a joke. And it's not, it is NOT! God is so real, He is as real as Facebook, or my son JT. But instead people blame Him for what goes on in the world, for their loved one passing when they should be praising Him that He will one say return to take us away from this old world that is full of sin. I can't wait for that day!
I could go on and on and on. But, it is 7:10am and I have got to get some sleep. Feel free to comment on my 1st blog. God bless.